it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
