i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
