Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
