she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
