guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
