Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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