I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
