Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
