Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
