So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
