So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
