look no pants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
