We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
