I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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