Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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