we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
