watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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