you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
