She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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