I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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