didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
