I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
