I faked an abortion last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
