if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
