When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
