guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I got inside last night via doggy door
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
