there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
