My first STD was from a foam party
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
