You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
