you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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