if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
