its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
