im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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