Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
