Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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