If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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