Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
