Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i've created a new STD.
Still dying that you shit outside
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
