my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
