Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
