Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
