dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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