Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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