i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
