The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
