her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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