I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize