i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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