I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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