i think i have two assholes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize