I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We smell like vodka and hangover
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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