The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
