Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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