New invention idea: vibrating tampons
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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