five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
