shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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