I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize