So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
