watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
