good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
