Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
