i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
